alcohol, irony and men

these three apparently don't mix at all - well, alcohol and men can mix, however not in a most delightful way. Somehow alcohol dulls the senses, and tends to make us all just that more friendly. Some people are better at hiding their drunkeness than others, I prefer to fall alot and slur my words making it truly clear just how trashed I am.
Alcohol makes guys boys do the silliest things though like hitting on girls they would never look at sober- and getting even more upset when women arent as interested in them as they clearly think they should be. All of these phenomena are pretty common to everyone out there- its just funny to sit back and think about it.

whats wierd is when I somehow assume the role of protective dyke. Im not sure its because I thought it was needed and just did it, or because i was asked. When i was in high school we used to have parties at my best friends house on the weekends. Her mother would leave for the weekend and we would have half the town over. Of course, somebody had to stay somewhat sober and make sure things didnt get too out of hand. Thus the protective dyke. My friends were getting trashed and hooking up- I got to kick out the overthetop drunk people and make sure the little kids puked in the yard, not on the walls in the house. fun, huh?

I think im tired of over the top drunk people for awhile. Im tired of watching.

Five Drunken Nights...

We made it through, actually, I made it through. St. Patricks Day is of course a big holiday for our little group of Irish pub junkies. The beer, the band, the boisterous comraderie.. I am thinking I am on the verge of a long break. I don't know if I can handle being sober in the face of everyone else being off their rocker. Thats ok though, there are several reasons why this could be a good thing- and it of course won't be forever.

I'm wondering if I will ever earn my very own protective dyke. Somehow, being who i am- the big ugly girl- many of my girlfriends have used me as the protective dyke over the years. In some ways i find this role highly amusing because some guys, especially when trashed guys just can't take a hint. In other ways I find it somewhat disturbing that my presence alone is considered such an inducement to make these guys run away screaming. Well, not really. But, when the time comes, who will be my protective dyke? maybe michelle will. maybe sally will. I guess it depends on the situation and who is with me. I see it as a girlfriends duty to make sure your other girlfriends are ok, but maybe thats why I tend to end up as the protective dyke :).

Oh, what a tangled web we weave.....

when i say that, the first thing i think is... when we practice to conceive, and is that not true? isnt this whole dating mess just at its base, practicing to conceive? I have had some conversations over the past few days with some of my friends about how strange it is to see people you have had one night stands with, or even relationships with after it is all over. Sometimes you just run into people and you have to stop and say, oh.. or other times it is someone you see all the time and just forget about what was. Either way it can be strange if not handled in a delicate, tactful manner. Some people have no sense of tact and therefore can't handle it. This makes adult relationships especially tricky. now that i've started this train of thought, im not sure where im going with it.

Actually, its not when we practice to conceive, just the whole web, blog thing. I have always been careful of what I say here because I don't want to be too terribly personal. It turns out that this is just one more case of small world. I was told the other day by a friend of mine, that he knows some of my friends purely through the whole blog network thing. Apparently we are having a blog get-together on Wednesday night. I can't go because I have a planning commission meeting, but I'm sure there will be other opportunities to reach out and touch someone.

So, for those of you that know me, I am inside the two week window. Wish me luck and wellness and i hope to see the world on the other side!

ok, what happens when sparks missfire? and more on the nature of sparks-
we have sparks with our friends too, Anne of Green Gables called her friends
kindred spirits. Ive always liked that thought. You can find wonderful amazing people in the strangest places. But as we all know, this sparks business is all very open to interpretation. Just because you may feel an amazing connection, doesnt mean they feel it back.
Again, that elusive quality of this thing we cant buy, bottle or sell. I swear if we could just figure out a way to bottle ed, we would all be rich.

ok, back to the kindred spirits as friends. I am really happy to have my great friends. I dont think i tell them that ever, but I feel blessed to have a great group of people that enjoy being silly in the same way I do. I know the only people who are ever gonna read this are those people, so i say to you - yes you know who you are- thanks for all the great times we have.
It is also interesting i think how some of us manage to use the pub as a springboard for deeper friendships, and with other people, they are just people you see all the time there, and are happy to do so- but not an 'out of pub' friend.
I, as I said, am blessed to have many out of pub friends, and I hope we can all continue to live harmoniously together. It has been my experience that whevenever you get a group of people together, no matter how loosely politics starts to develop. With my previous online experiences, the faire, and sometimes even our safe haven- the pub. This truly saddens me, because in the end its about raising our glasses, toasting to a good time, and being silly.
Now, im gonna break the rules and talk about something more personal. I have been hanging out with someone, who some of you have met, the past couple of nights who isnt from here. We have had a good time talking about what certain pub actions mean here like buying a girl a drink, and walking a girl to her car, and the difference between talking and flirting and how you are supposed to interpret all these things.
Now, correct me if i'm wrong because, hey, it COULD happen- buying someone a drink- when a guy buys a girl a drink here, who isnt your friend and you arent doing rounds buying, its generally considered a sign of interest in the girl. Generally- there could be many exceptions to this rule, but its a general assumption. Apparently in Ireland/UK this is not a sign of interest its a friendly gesture and eveyone does it. Walking to the car is apparenlty a much more forward gesture in this person's mind than buying a girl a drink. While i concur this could be a forward thing- it basically depends on how long you hang out and talk and what happens at the car. Otherwise, its a gentlemanly thing to do to make sure late at night you get to your car safely and are ok to drive. So, just for the old maid's record- i got drinks bought and walked to my car- but keep your pants on for now.

ok, so i never post- being an old maid is really hard work.
but- i have at last come to some more material-
what makes it click, its obviously not just having the right body parts to make the attraction happen.

we all know automatically when quizzed its about looks, personality, compatibility, background, goals, yadda yadda yadda-
but how often do you think about what all that really means?

I myself have felt, and to some extent do still feel, I dont have the right to make compatibility decisions. As crazy as that may sound, its the feeling that you take what you can get. Thus I have extremely sucky skills when it comes to saying no to someone I am utterly repulsed by. Now when i say repulsed, it is generally a personality clash. I like to think I dont have such shallow standards to make decisions based on appearance- which for the most part is true. Like they say, come tinker come tailor- but lack of intelligence and ability to hold a decent conversation is key. Most people would agree with me on this.
So, there is a much deeper issue here, which has to do with how I handle rejection and how it is dished back out. And that normally when someone doesnt click, i dont recognize it for what it is- but look for the easy obvious answer. Which, is actually not always the truth.
Some people just dont click, even if every other factor seems like a perfect fit. Some huge dose of adult reality that helps us get where we need to be.

SO- comments on a more personal note. When i started this- my plan was to issue forth judgement on men in general and to help define why it is possible that all men suck and are stupid so being an old maid in the garret is a perfectly natural state that has been pushed upon many of us- not through any fault of our own.
well, so that sounds all self righteous, but we all know that is probably not completely true.
take one of our fair friends for example. While I have old maid issues, this one takes the cake.
I dont like to name names or make things too close to home in this blog world- so I dont really want to get into too much detail. but, lets just say- this fair friend has lots of potential that she doesnt even want to acknowledge. maybe it takes other people to see how wonderful we are. maybe it would be my job as a friend to point this out to her- but i know i will get my head chopped off for it.

alright, so im rambling. what im getting at, is there is some elusive thing that makes one person right, and another one not right. (i know, not rocket science) The conclusion is, its not always as easy as, ugly or cute or has big boobs, or even as dumb as rocks- sometimes its that lack of elusive spark.

so, come tinker and tailor, come fiddler come sailor- lets see if we have whatever that elusive thing is.

So now I have had a chance to run my theory by some cute, single, guys, and they think I am kidding.
So.. lets suppose that these men are the unwitting accomplises of God. I am completely stumped yet again.
Though, I look around me, and I have to wonder how do people ever manage to get along long enough to even consider
marriage?

I have my theories about how men and women are different. They come from years of observation and participation in this strange sick and twisted process we call courtship rituals today.

I spent a great deal of time discussing this with a single guy the other night, who advises that he has finally reached that ' ok, im ready stage'. Of course, on the inside I don't really believe it. But for the sake of argument, lets just say he has. He says that now that he has reached the i'm ready stage, he keeps meeting women that are afraid of commitment. Two words- HA HA, karma's a bitch ain't it. Now thats not really fair, I dont really know him, and maybe he doesnt deserve it, but, men as a large testiculated species do. *giggle*

But in our discussion, we have decided that we are founding the Love and Carnage club. This is borne out of one of my other theories, there is no glory without pain and suffering. I mean, you have to break some shells to get scrambled eggs right? So can you find love with a take no prisoner's attitude? Well, maybe if you are a raging woman who only wears comfortable shoes and thinks a mullet looks damn sexy (on a woman).

Would you consider that men have a 'take no prisoners' attitude about relationships? Consider that we have all gone out with men before and thought, gosh, maybe, and looked forward to getting to know them or god forbid the happily ever after- and then BAM, they dont call, dont write, or just say ' nah', and then ' next' and leave you wounded and bloody by the wayside wondering what you did to deserve to be discarded so lightly. We are the stacks of dead that they leave behind. Granted, we give them that power, but that is what our culture teaches us to do. Polite girls dont chase boys- we don't call, we are not forward. So, men dont leave prisoners and move on to the next notch in the belt. And what do girls do?

We worry about how many men will it take to find him. And society tells us that polite girls are not supposed to go through men like running water, and god forbid you should sleep with one of them! I know we all do ladies, but its one thing for a guy to have had lots of experience. A girl with lots of experience is not thought of the same way. At least where i come from. All of our worlds are not like sex in the city where samantha is ice queen and on top of the game. The sex game anyway.

So how do women play the leave no prisoners game and not be a supreme bitch, a slut, or completely alone? And would you want to? I can see us now, power heels, our way paint put on perfectly to allure, the outfit coordinated perfectly to match the flack jacket, a tasteful turquoise color.. and the stun gun concealed in a side pocket, so we can meet, smile, judge, stun and run. They won't know what hit them. Wheee... oh, and somehow there should be a tagging device.. so you can remember- yep, been there, nope, next!

Maybe this is just a continuation of that cruel part of the Christian mythos that all women are bad (thanks eve) therefore, modern men are
the ticking time bombs of God's wrath upon women.

So, men , all men, are ticking car bombs, made by the IRA, or Palestinian militants, just waiting to go off. But, if God made men, who are ticking time bombs
waiting to go off, then what cause is God fighting for? hmmm.....